The Flicker Before the Roar

A fragile moment of despair before resilience awakens

Just for a little while
can You fix me?
I want to remember what it felt like
To be able to breathe

How would I know
how to make this right
when I don’t even remember
what being whole felt like?

I needed what You took away
Trusted You like a fool
Told me that You love me
But love is anything but cruel

Melting with raging doubts
Wondering what it’s all about
Does everyone feel like this
every time they figure it out?

I know You are a part of me
That’s why I don’t get it
I could’ve never caused this much suffering
How do You sleep at night?

Does he cry with me?
For finally having his wish come true
Thinking life will finally let him be
Only to have it all snatched away too?

Does he watch me alongside You?
And begs for You to stop?
Does he regret praying for me to exist?
Because now he has to watch…

Watch me look for him
everywhere, in everyone
Knowing that even in my dreams
it always remains impossible

Why couldn’t You have
given us more time?
In a few more years
everything would’ve been alright.

I don’t question Your plans
I know I have to burn to be the light
But why couldn’t I have burned for him as well?
So that I could’ve kept him alive

No, I am not questioning Your plans,
but let me flicker a little longer
just a few more breaths,
before I unleash my roar

Let me be human for a while
because it feels crazy at times

Don’t tell me he smiles
When he watches me rise
Up again, like always
Ready for my role in Your play

Don’t shake Your head at me
Let me drown in my sorrows
before I consume this world
Is that what You are afraid of?

That I might turn out like You
And scorch it with my warmth
after I make the promise
to make it glow in my arms?

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