Thank you for your response. I never thought I’d be writing about relationships—it actually made me laugh when I decided to do it. But I’ve been seeing so many young people feeling deeply frustrated with the state of the world, especially how a girl can no longer say “no” to a “nice guy” without fearing for her safety or facing a smear campaign.
I want to help bridge the gap between men and women because I’m exhausted by these gender wars and surface-level connections. Fear is a terrible foundation for life, and I can’t imagine anything worse than building relationships on it.
I also completely agree with you that the definition of success is unique to each person, even though in the West, our individuality has been at risk for a while now.
Thank you for your raw and honest insights. I appreciate it.
More than a decade ago, as a man, i wanted to know how women do think, so i bought some books. At the end, i arrived to a theory that totally outside of the traditional paradigms. Ironically, it looks like the quantum physics. The summary of it, i found men think like the digital computer where thinking is based on YES (or) NO. Whereas, women think like a quantum computer, based on YES (and) NO. Personally, i was shocked of this finding,and still have not wrapped my head around it. But i can surmise that is where the conlict lies. The conflict can not be resolved, but can be dealt with under certain conditions and terms in both sides.
If the results were ( yes or no) for both , or (yes and no) for both, men and women would live like a pristine river.
So,the issue of Palestine is easy and solveable. But the issue of men and women is not. It is meant to be that way.
I agree with you. This is not something that would come to us naturally, but something we need to consciously work on to improve. I am hoping that most of us want to.
Thank you first of all. I found your piece thought provoking.
If you put a dozen “nice” guys in a room, you’d get a dozen relationship stories and most of them would be “inaccurate” - if not lies.
Why? Because guys are biased about their experiences, their self images, and largely clueless about women, what women want and why that particular woman chose him for the night, or as their mate, or to cheat with, or to cheat on.
I am quite a distance away from the relationships “scene” - however male/female relationships fascinate me still, especially the way the dynamic has changed between the centuries. Guys don’t know women because they don’t know anything about “being” a woman, (I certainly don’t, and I know I don’t). So when (this is most guys I’ve heard from) they do “get lucky” they think it’s something they did, or said, or some trick they learned from the PUA community, or their cologne. LOL.
Anyway, as you mentioned in your piece, there is more than just one definition of the “Nice” guy. I’m not sure the original quote was in the context of dating. Maybe the nice guy that finishes last is helping others to excel, maybe he’s self sacrificing or has different interpretations of “success” or has no interest in being first. The default mode for our “western dominated” society is to finish first.
More humans than we might know have lived and died as virgins.
But maybe this is too much. Mind has a tendency to wander. Maybe somewhere in this rambling you can extract something useful. I think you mentioned that brevity wasn’t your strong suit - same here.
Thank you for taking our Mind Cafe tour. You are always welcome. Cheers.
Absolutely nice guys aren't kind cause it is in their nature. They employ this 'niceness' as a tool, in hopes that they 'will' be rewarded for it.
And this is precisely the thing which makes nice guys scary. For they end up believing that they are deserving of sex and love from the woman they have been nice too. And get cranky and angry, when they don't recieve it.
And it is quite a desperate look - projecting a false persona just to get laid. Most women can see through this act. And this is what frustates the 'nice guys.' And a nice guy who doesn't change himself, later becomes bitter; and turns into — "All women are — (fill a slur)"kind of person.
Lack of authenticity for manipulation is the 'nice guys' main cardinal sin.
Absolutely. Men are being raised in an environment where they are being taught that "being nice" is not something a man does. So, they learn to just act nice in order to get what they want and are severely disappointed when it does not get them the results they were hoping for. Thank you for your insights!
Thank you for your response. I never thought I’d be writing about relationships—it actually made me laugh when I decided to do it. But I’ve been seeing so many young people feeling deeply frustrated with the state of the world, especially how a girl can no longer say “no” to a “nice guy” without fearing for her safety or facing a smear campaign.
I want to help bridge the gap between men and women because I’m exhausted by these gender wars and surface-level connections. Fear is a terrible foundation for life, and I can’t imagine anything worse than building relationships on it.
I also completely agree with you that the definition of success is unique to each person, even though in the West, our individuality has been at risk for a while now.
Thank you for your raw and honest insights. I appreciate it.
More than a decade ago, as a man, i wanted to know how women do think, so i bought some books. At the end, i arrived to a theory that totally outside of the traditional paradigms. Ironically, it looks like the quantum physics. The summary of it, i found men think like the digital computer where thinking is based on YES (or) NO. Whereas, women think like a quantum computer, based on YES (and) NO. Personally, i was shocked of this finding,and still have not wrapped my head around it. But i can surmise that is where the conlict lies. The conflict can not be resolved, but can be dealt with under certain conditions and terms in both sides.
If the results were ( yes or no) for both , or (yes and no) for both, men and women would live like a pristine river.
So,the issue of Palestine is easy and solveable. But the issue of men and women is not. It is meant to be that way.
I agree with you. This is not something that would come to us naturally, but something we need to consciously work on to improve. I am hoping that most of us want to.
Society certainly has changed.
I would love to get your thoughts on this
Thank you first of all. I found your piece thought provoking.
If you put a dozen “nice” guys in a room, you’d get a dozen relationship stories and most of them would be “inaccurate” - if not lies.
Why? Because guys are biased about their experiences, their self images, and largely clueless about women, what women want and why that particular woman chose him for the night, or as their mate, or to cheat with, or to cheat on.
I am quite a distance away from the relationships “scene” - however male/female relationships fascinate me still, especially the way the dynamic has changed between the centuries. Guys don’t know women because they don’t know anything about “being” a woman, (I certainly don’t, and I know I don’t). So when (this is most guys I’ve heard from) they do “get lucky” they think it’s something they did, or said, or some trick they learned from the PUA community, or their cologne. LOL.
Anyway, as you mentioned in your piece, there is more than just one definition of the “Nice” guy. I’m not sure the original quote was in the context of dating. Maybe the nice guy that finishes last is helping others to excel, maybe he’s self sacrificing or has different interpretations of “success” or has no interest in being first. The default mode for our “western dominated” society is to finish first.
More humans than we might know have lived and died as virgins.
But maybe this is too much. Mind has a tendency to wander. Maybe somewhere in this rambling you can extract something useful. I think you mentioned that brevity wasn’t your strong suit - same here.
Thank you for taking our Mind Cafe tour. You are always welcome. Cheers.
Absolutely nice guys aren't kind cause it is in their nature. They employ this 'niceness' as a tool, in hopes that they 'will' be rewarded for it.
And this is precisely the thing which makes nice guys scary. For they end up believing that they are deserving of sex and love from the woman they have been nice too. And get cranky and angry, when they don't recieve it.
And it is quite a desperate look - projecting a false persona just to get laid. Most women can see through this act. And this is what frustates the 'nice guys.' And a nice guy who doesn't change himself, later becomes bitter; and turns into — "All women are — (fill a slur)"kind of person.
Lack of authenticity for manipulation is the 'nice guys' main cardinal sin.
Absolutely. Men are being raised in an environment where they are being taught that "being nice" is not something a man does. So, they learn to just act nice in order to get what they want and are severely disappointed when it does not get them the results they were hoping for. Thank you for your insights!