For as long as I can remember, my mother has urged me to read our holy book. Whenever I came to her feeling worn out, she would say, “You’re suffering because you don’t take the time to pray”. Feeling a little misunderstood, I would respond, “But I have! I read it every single day when I was younger and learned what I needed”. I would argue, “How can I grow if I keep reading the same book? There’s so much more to explore and learn”. Each time, she would shake her head and let it go—for the moment, at least. But was there any merit in the wisdom she had to offer?
One day, while writing in my journal, I began to wonder if my difficult experiences came from my refusal to confront the harsh realities around me. Had I wasted precious years in places not meant for me? If I had known what I know now, would I have been living the life I worked so hard for, instead of still fighting battles in what felt like a never-ending war? It seemed as if I had made a costly mistake due to lack of guidance and awareness. It felt a lot like regret.
Fast forward to a day when a memory from the past came knocking. I realized then that the wisdom I thought I had just uncovered was something I had encountered before. The guidance I believed I never received had come my way multiple times, sometimes through others and sometimes through my own intuition. However, I simply wasn’t ready to embrace that wisdom. I wasn’t meant to.
What do I mean by that? Let me explain with an example. One of my favorite quotes is, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. I thought I understood it. It seemed so simple - what’s there to unpack? If someone finds me beautiful, it’s because they choose to see me in that light because they love me. Over-time I realized though that I had only uncovered the first layer of this message.
In college, one of my favorite teachers, Professor Ram Murti, shared the story of Laila-Majnu, a centuries-old love story. He mentioned how people would ask Majnu why he loved Laila so much when she was so dark (You see, where I come from, many people still struggle with colonized mindsets and view a darker complexion as a negative trait. But that’s a topic for another day). I still remember the expression on Prof. Murti’s face when he quoted Majnu, pointing at his eyes as he spoke, “If only you could look at Laila through my eyes, you would see that there is no one more beautiful than her”. To me, that’s what this quote represented - a person who loves you can never see anything else in you other than your beauty. It took me years to unveil the next layer.
Fast forward to a conversation I had with someone who was once very dear to me. They said something that felt beneath both me and the person I once knew them to be. Upon hearing their words, I felt anger rising in my body like a tsunami, for all but three seconds. Then a thought whispered to me: that’s what they see in me because that’s what they see in themselves. And just like that, my tsunami turned into a gentle wave, and my anger subsided. There was nothing left to be mad over—just understanding and acceptance. After all, I did the same to them. I forgave them because I recognized the fear hiding beneath their ego, simply because that’s what I had found beneath mine. That’s when I realized that a lot of times, we are nothing but mirrors to each other. We see in others what we recognize in ourselves. Their kindness and their cruelty are both reflections of who they are. So, there’s nothing left to take pride in or take offense to. “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”, now held a new meaning for me, one that has nothing to do with how someone feels about me and everything to do with how they feel about themselves.
So, you see the wisdom was there, but I was not there to receive it in its full potential. I would not be surprised if these same words reveal something even deeper to me as time passes and I gain more insights into myself.
Lesson Learned:
I no longer look back at my past with any what ifs. I know that the struggles I faced have led to my growth, where I no longer let my fears dictate my life. There is no threat great enough to change my plans for building the life I have always wanted. This courage was not loaned to me by some words; it is something I have earned, and it cannot be taken away from me anymore. I am thankful for everything that has led me to this place.
Regret is a very heavy feeling. It steals our present and our future, anchoring us in the past. We may start believing that we suffered because we weren’t wise enough. But the truth about life is that we can see something and yet remain completely blind to it. We can read until our eyes can’t read anymore, but we still may not learn anything. And I feel that this is not by accident.
In Sikhi, the great saints teach that only those blessed souls who are chosen can follow the path to enlightenment. Similarly, Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, emphasized that the true essence of his teachings cannot be fully expressed in words. This suggests that although many may read the profound words written by some of the greatest individuals to ever walk on our planet, only a few will be able to follow the path shown by them. Therefore, what we perceive as mistakes could actually be essential steps on our soul’s journey.
So, was my mother right? Do I need to read my Guru’s teachings every day? Would that save me from suffering painful moments in my life? I don’t think so, but I see the value in her advice. Since it took me time to understand a seemingly simple quote at a deeper level, it would be naive to think that I have learned all that I need to learn from my Guru’s profound teachings. Each day, I bring a wiser version of myself to life which means that with every reading, I become better at understanding the lessons it offers. While I may still struggle to grasp the essence of their message, and that may never change, I know that when the time comes, the truth will reveal itself to me much faster.
In the end, we are always guided by our experiences and our intuition, shaping us in ways we may not immediately understand. Living in regret only holds us back from embracing the life we are meant to create. Each moment, each lesson, is a stepping stone in our soul’s journey. As I continue to explore the teachings of my Gurus and the wisdom of those who came before me, I recognize that the truth will reveal itself in its own time. While I choose not to dwell in regret, I honor my regrets for guiding me to process my experiences positively, and I look forward to the unfolding of my path. Everything is as it should be, and I am embracing the journey ahead.
So, you have left “regret” behind? Or does it still weigh on you? We notice you write from the perspective of the “observed’. What do you observe? What do you find beautiful? Has your perspective changed? We recognize your vibe. (There’s a word for that.)
Melanin is the default condition of the planet. But as you wrote, it’s a topic for another day. Enjoyed your post. Cheers.